Play Your Heart Out
-- EXCERPT: My eyes find Pete’s. There’s an earnestness to his expression. I feel like I can trust him. Like I can talk to him. That might be worth lying to everyone else. His hand slides under my skirt. My thoughts fade away. My shoulders and back relax. I want to feel the way I did at the park, like there’s nothing in the world but the two of us. Sex first. Decision second. I lean in to whisper. “Do we have to stay to talk?” “Have to clear something with Aiden but I can do it after.” Mmm. After. I nod. “Yes please.” “Yes please, what?” I can hear the smile in his voice. “Yes, please… will you… Do I have to say it?” He chuckles. “I’ll get you there.” His fingertips skim my thighs as he pulls his hand back to his lap. He pulls back enough he can stare into my eyes. I still can’t figure out what the expression in his deep brown eyes means, but damn if I don’t like staring into them. They’re gorgeous eyes. That vulnerability returns. He blinks and it’s gone. I shift backwards, breaking his touch. But it’s too loud to think. Pete stands and pulls me to my feet. He nods goodbye to his friends then leads me to the back of the VIP area. There’s a roped off area with a NO ENTRANCE sign. He scans the room. A cocktail waitress has her eyes on us. More likely, she has her eyes on him. She licks her lips hungrily. He could easily take her home. But he looks at her with apathy. He doesn’t want her. He doesn’t want any of the gorgeous models in this place. He wants me. Pete leans in to whisper. “Wait for me on the balcony. I’ll lose her.” He motions to the closed door in the corner of the roped off area. He wants to do this on a balcony? Damn. First the bar bathroom then this. He has a thing for public sex. I should say no. I’m going to be a lawyer. I can’t get caught having sex in public. I try to force the word to my lips but it refuses. “What if we get caught?” “This is private property. They’ll ask to leave. That will be it.” His eyes meet mine. “We can hold off till we get back to your place.” I shake my head. I don’t want to hold off. I want him. Now. I trust his assessment of the situation. “No. Let’s do now,” I say. He nods. I wait for him to grab the waitress’s attention and I sneak past the velvet rope. The door to the balcony is frosted glass. You can’t see in or out. I turn the handle and check my footing. All good. We’re overlooking the alley. No one can see us, not from the street, not from the club. No one is going to catch us. Not on camera—it’s too dark for that. Thoughts swirl around my brain. I like Pete. Find him interesting. Hell, find him fascinating. Can I play his girlfriend without falling in love with him? I press my hands into the smooth metal railing. It’s the only cold thing here. The sounds of the street—conversations and cars—flow into my ears, competing with the music coming from the club. There’s only one thing I know: I can’t leave without being with him. Period.
GIVEAWAY!
8 Comments
Shining Sea
EXCERPT: GOODBYE Tuneless humming is coming from the bedroom next to mine. I’ve always been the better singer, no secret. Even before I could talk, I sang. To me, singing feels like . . . flying. As a little kid I sang in the church choir, later on in the choruses at school, and about six months ago I started writing songs—not that I’d call myself a songwriter yet. My first gig was last week, down in the Mission District. Standing on the spotlit stage of the black box performance space, I played one long set—twelve tunes total—while hipsters watched with crossed arms. Performing in front of an audience is a good way to tell if your songs are finished. Or not. The song I’m trying to capture now definitely falls into the not category. I give the guitar a soft strum—a ghost of a chord slips out. Playing the haunting notes a little louder, I listen for the melody. It’ll come, eventually, but we’re leaving any minute. Not just leaving . . . moving. “Do you know,” I whisper sing, “where lost things go?” In the next room Lilah falls silent. The lyrics tangle in my throat. My fingers fumble, then jerk—playing a rhythmic pattern atop a single minor chord: one and two, one and two. Words tumble out of me. “Saint Anthony, can you come around? There’s something lost, and it can’t be found.” Saint Anthony—is he the one? A quick Google search on the laptop perched at the end of my bed tells me he is. Saint Anthony is invoked as the finder of lost things. Pulling my guitar closer, I play the line over and over. “Arion? You up there?” Dad. After shoving the laptop into my backpack, I shut the guitar in its case and head into the hall. Hands full, I stand in my sister’s doorway. She doesn’t see me. Even as thin as she is, even with the ever-present dark shadows beneath her eyes, Lilah is beautiful. Her features are regular and in proportion. Mine . . . are slightly exaggerated. Nose longer, lips fuller. Now, without music to distract me, the tears I’d vowed not to cry fill my eyes. Brown eyes. On a good day, they’re hazel. Maybe. There’s no mistaking the color of my sister’s eyes. Bright blue. Her hair is black and shiny, cut straight across her forehead and blunt at her shoulders in a way that has always made me think of Cleopatra, but especially since the accident, when she became a mystery to me. Lilah no longer tells me her every thought. She can’t. My sister blinks her bellflower eyes now, and for a split second— seems to focus on me. But the illusion vanishes just as quickly. I swallow around the lump in my throat, wondering for the millionth time if she has any idea what’s going on. Her bed is up against the window. In the distance—over a nearly invisible San Francisco Bay—the Golden Gate Bridge hovers in fog. Sitting down beside her on the bed, I lay a hand on one of her legs—feel bones, atrophied muscles. A raw feeling spreads through me, like a dull blade is scraping the underside of my skin. “So . . . guess it’s time for goodbye.” I take a deep breath in, let it out slowly—which doesn’t help at all. “I’ll see you in Rock Hook Harbor. Dad’s one-horse hometown . . . Sounds happening, huh?” My attempt at lightheartedness fails completely. The words drop like bricks. Leaning in, I kiss her cheek. She turns away, as if looking toward the ghostly water. Or, is she looking at the water? Or just staring blankly? I so want it to be the former. The doctors say it’s the latter. In my chest, a hairline fissure I’ve fused together with lyrics and chords pops open. “I love you,” I choke out. She doesn’t answer. Of course she doesn’t. Biting down hard on my lip, I stand up, trying not to feel like I’m leaving my best friend stranded. But I am. She is. Stranded. She’s been stranded, for a year. Swiping at my eyes, I take a few steps down the hall—then turn suddenly into my parents’ room, which is mostly Mom’s room now. Dad spends the nights he’s here on the living room couch, where, after dinner—usually something complicated he’s cooked up involving lots of pots and pans—he falls asleep with the TV on. Blue screen to white noise; maybe the sound helps him. Music works better for me. Or, it used to. I used to lie in bed at night and sing. Lately, all I want to do is sleep. Like the rest of the house, my parents’ bedroom is crowded with canvases. Filled with slashes of color and geometric shapes, each paint- ing has the name “Cici” scrawled in large letters down in the right-hand corner. Mom’s pictures pulse with unfamiliar energy, and my nostrils flare at the scent of paint fumes as I move a half-finished piece—an abstract portrait of a girl, I think—that’s leaning up against the glass door. Slipping out onto the balcony, I clutch the cold railing and eye a moldering stack of Psychology Today magazines. Therapy is Mom’s religion. A pair of paint-splattered jeans hangs off a chair. A handful of paintbrushes soak in a bucket. There’s no sign of Dad. My parents are like a couple of unmoored boats. Drifting. One of the few things they agreed on this past year? The accident was Dad’s fault. A pretty stupid conclusion, really, considering he hadn’t even been on the boat. But he’s a ship’s captain. Lilah and I inherited our love of the water from him. Water. I hate it now. Because of the water, I’m on this balcony almost every day, drawn out here as if for a long-standing appointment, some prearranged meeting between me and my broken heart. I cry here; sometimes I yell. Sometimes I write, and one day, I nearly threw my guitar over the railing. Splintered wood, snapped strings, I’m interested in broken things. The circling song lyrics fade at the sound of Mom’s strained voice. “Arion, have you finished saying goodbye to Delilah? Your dad’s ready to go.” I stay another second, then scoop up a stray guitar pick from the terracotta tiles and head inside, not paying any attention to the paint- ings now, just intent on leaving before I get any more upset. But then I’m passing Lilah’s room—and I see it. The slim black notebook I’ve searched for probably a hundred times over the past year. Oh, I’ve seen the palm-size Moleskine with its curled cover, seen it clutched in Lilah’s fist, watched as she whisked the small black book beneath her quilt, or shoved it between her sheets. I just haven’t been able to get my hands on it, and I’ve wanted to, desperately. So many times I’ve seen her slip the notebook between the over- size pages of the art books that Mom insists on bringing home from the library. She’ll hug the book close then—her treasure safe inside— but she’ll never actually look at the glossy pages. Not like she looks at that notebook. She looks at that black book like it’s the only thing she recognizes. It’s definitely some kind of diary. Not that I ever see her writing in it, not since before. But she’s always got it on her. Only, she doesn’t have it on her now. Now, there it is, on the floor next to her bed. And Lilah, there she is, still looking but not looking out the window. Transfixed, it would seem, by the gray bay. As I watch, she lifts one hand, bringing her fingertips to the glass—as if there’s something out there she wants to touch. It’s kind of amazing how I do it, how I steal her most precious pos- session without breaking my stride. How I silently sweep into the room and, bending low, snatch it up—then keep on walking like nothing’s happened. Like I’m ten-year-old Lilah herself, that time at the rock and gem shop down near the beach, trying on one sterling silver ring, then another. I’ll never forget it, how she smiled at the shopkeeper—maybe even said thank you—then practically skipped out the door, still wear- ing at least one of the rings. Once outside, she tossed a half-dozen more rings onto the pebbles that served as the shop’s front yard, so that she could retrieve them that night when the gem shop was closed, so that we could retrieve them. Eight-year-old me, I’d held the flashlight for her. She’d given me one of the rings as my reward, but only one. I feel bad taking the book; if I could read it and leave it, I would. But there’s no time. Through the hall window I can see Dad standing down in the driveway by the old green Jeep Cherokee, the car that will be mine once we get to Maine. So I slide the notebook into the pocket of my backpack where it burns a hole so big I think it will surely fall out—pages fluttering like fiery wings—and slap the floor with a sound so sharp, Lilah will shud- der to life. She’ll spring up and shout at me, her old self at last. But nothing like this happens. Leaving Lilah. Taking the notebook. My skin ripples with guilt. But we have to go on ahead. School’s starting in a few weeks, plus Dad’s new job—they won’t hold it any longer. And really, I have to take the book. I need to know what happened. Out in the driveway, I crane my neck, trying to see if Lilah’s still at the window. “Hold on,” Mom shouts from the house, “I almost forgot!” Time seems suspended as Dad and I wait by the car, the limbo of the long ride already upon us . . . Mom reappears holding a square box wrapped in gold paper and a purple ribbon. Balanced on top is a fat cupcake with pink frosting. “Happy birthday, Arion.” Her flinty blue eyes soften. She hands me the awkward duo and gives me an equally awkward hug. “From both of us.” Dad smiles, shakes his head. “Seventeen.” He’s always been a man of few words. “Thanks, Mom. Dad.” Swallowing hard, I climb into the car with the gifts on my lap. Mom pecks Dad on the cheek, and he gets behind the wheel. As we pull away, she blows me a kiss. Twisting in my seat, I wave—then look up at the second story. No Lilah. My chest hurts so much—I actually glance down. But there’s nothing except a smear of pink icing on my shirt, where I’d leaned into the cupcake. We’ll fly back close to Thanksgiving, when Lilah is scheduled for the operation that my parents have finally decided is her best bet: a surgical procedure to implant a device in her brain. It’s not as sci-fi as it sounds. The battery-operated device is kind of like a pacemaker, only for your brain instead of your heart. This kind of surgery is used to treat a variety of disabling neurological symptoms, although I think whoever came up with DBS—deep brain stimulation—was thinking of people with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, not, well, whatever’s wrong with Lilah. Her case is—entirely different. I’m not going to pretend: I’m scared. But the plan is, we’ll all be together in Maine by Christmas, so that’s what I’m trying to focus on. I’ll miss Lilah. Mom too. But I’m glad to be leaving San Francisco. My life here . . . is on hold—except for my music. The rest is a waiting game. We’ve all been waiting for Lilah to find what she lost. As if she can look for it.
GIVEAWAY!: Sleeping Tom
Goodreads / Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Book Depository Grab yours today for only 99cents (for a limited time only)! -- EXCERPT: “Don’t go.” He was creeping her out. She wanted to run and hide from him, but instead she held her ground and, as casually as she could, leaned into the doorframe. “It’s like three in the morning,” she reminded him, attempting a frown to hide her anxiety. “Do you want to play a game?” “What?” Caden asked, his voice once again making her unsure. A game? It sounded like something Sean would say. Caden shifted her weight, eyeing him warily. I can handle this. She let out a deep breath; if nothing else she could use this as an opportunity. Cleaning at three in the morning obviously hadn’t scored her enough Good Samaritan points. “Sure… We can play a game.” She wondered if her hesitation would make him angry, like she had when they had been in the car that afternoon. “First, you have to turn off the lights.” Caden’s hand shook. This didn’t feel right. “Okay,” She mumbled, attempting to seem unfazed, and she turned off the lights with a flick of her wrist. It took a few seconds for her eyes to readjust, and when they did she saw the boy leap back onto the bed, light and agile. She took an uneasy step back. Her chest constricted and her breath caught in her throat. Caden couldn’t deny being unsure of the situation, of this boy who somehow had to be the man she’d met earlier that day. His head moved from side to side, watching her as intently as she watched him. “What do you want to play?” he asked. Even then, with him in better visibility, Caden couldn’t tell if the boy was really Gabriel. It was the same voice she had heard earlier, but without the rough edge of his irritation it sounded much younger and innocent, like that of a child. “I don’t know…” “Oh, come on, think of something,” he said. When he didn’t move to grab her, she relaxed a little, her breath evening out once again. Caden could feel her confidence slowly building. Maybe he really just wants to play a game. “Aren’t you tired?” The boy’s shoulders and head dropped. “So you don’t want to play,” he confirmed dejectedly. She watched as he turned around on the empty bed, to face the other wall. Caden’s little sister Reese always used guilt to get what she wanted. She hadn’t known a guy her own age could make her feel just as guilty, if not worse. “No, no, I want to play. I do.” As long as you stay on that side of the room. Caden moved farther into the room but stayed a good six feet away. “What game? What game?” He bounced on the bed in his sitting position. “Do you have any cards?” She clutched the blanket tighter around her, but tried to keep her voice light and casual. “Cards?” The boy, who no longer seemed like Gabriel at all, stuck out his tongue. “Dumb. Something else.”
GIVEAWAY!
Author: Susan Renee
Genre: NA Contemporary Romance
Release Date: May 22, 2016
DEVASTATION
Moving back home wasn't anything I ever wanted.
But after enduring the worst,
Going home was the only answer.
Being back is everything I thought it would be...
Awful, isolating, a constant reminder of what I lost.
And the last thing I need--or want--is another reminder of my past,
Especially Bryant Wood.
GUILT
That's all I feel--all I can see when I look at Savannah Turner.
I want to hold her, feel her, love her,
And thank her for what's she given me.
But I can't show her the gratitude.
The relief.
The gift she's given me.
I won't.
It'll ruin everything.
A secret I must keep--a secret that could break her.
Shatter her.
Destroy her.
All over again.
Susan Renee wants to live in a world where paint doesn’t smell, Hogwarts is open twenty-four/seven, and everything is covered in glitter. An indie romance author, Susan has written about everything from lawn mowers to thick colossal bottles of wine, and has won a Snuggle Buddy award for her nonfiction book, “The Hula Hoop Tester’s Guide to Jumping.” She lives in Ohio with her family and seven tiny donkeys. She’s a Pet Whispering major from OMGU with a Masters in medical care for inanimate objects (a la Doc McStuffins). Susan enjoys crab-walking through the Swiss Alps, drinking Muscle Milk, and doing the Care Bear stare with her closest friends.
Simply the Best:
|
About MeI'm a Texas gal with a wonderful husband, an amazing six year old son, and an adorable newborn baby boy! Archives
June 2016
Categories
All
Follow Me!Proud Tour Host For: |